Tuesday, March 3, 2015

It's Ok To Be Messy




Can I be honest here? 

I'm guilty of wearing masks.  Acting like I have it all figured out, knowing where I'm headed. It is so easy to fake a smile, post a picture, add a few pretty words and then call it good. It's so easy to fall into only showing the pretty side of everything. The side you want people to see. Not the other side thats messy and not put together. I sometimes like the idea of life being like a picture in a magazine instead of  being filled with grittiness, staying up to late working, being behind on deadlines, and being insecure or not sure of yourself. 

I want to be real and honest. I don't want to appear like I have it all put together because I don't. I'm far from it. Sometimes people ask me "Where are you going to college", "What are you going to do after school", "what are you interested in", or "what is your next step in life". And the true answer to all these questions is I don't know. 


Heres the true:

I get nervous by actually putting my talents to use.
I don't really know what I want to go to college for.
I care to much about what other people think and struggle with identity.
I feel like I don't measure up.
I focus on my fear to often instead of resting in God's truth and promise.
I have trouble believing in myself. 
I feel like I'm faking it and won't ever make it. 
I struggle with wanting praise from people instead of only God.

But in the misted of these truths, there is grace. And no, I don't have it all together. Not by a long shot. But I'm learning and growing. I'm slowly learning to let go of my perfectionism and and be confident in the gifts I've been given and use them to the best of my abilities. And if I mess up or fall, its alright. 

I also fear I don't measure up. Because of my age, because I haven't accomplished "x", because I don't have _____ or _______, because someone else it doing something greater and I'm here stuck in the snow in March. 

But none of that matter. That is not where I'm identity lies. I can find joy and find who I am in the things of this world or I can embrace who I am in Christ and this beautiful messy life I've been given. 

Here's the thing. It's so easy to get caught up in thinking if we each a certain point, we've got it made. That once we reach that point (whatever it is) everything will fall into place, our insecurity will go away, and we will live in this overwhelming confidence. And not all those things are bad things, but once we start basing our insecurities in where we are at instead of who we are in Christ, we lose the heart behind what we do and who we truly are. 

I struggle with my identity and who I truly am. I don't feel like I measure up most of the time. I worry what other people think about me. And it is an everyday choice to focus not of what the world says, but what God says. That I don't have it all together and thats ok! I don't have to be perfect to be His.

It's ok to be messy. 

"GOD SPEAKS SOMETHING MEANINGFUL INTO OUR LIVES AND IT FILLS US UP AND HELPS US CHANGE THE WORLD REGARDLESS OF OURSELVES AND OUR SHORTCOMINGS. HIS NAME FOR US IS HIS BELOVED. HE HOPES THAT WE WILL BELIEVE HIM & START TO SEE OURSELVES BELOVED INSTEAD OF THINKING UP REASONS WE AREN’T." — BOB GOFF




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